Living and Giving

Confessions of a Caffeine-a-holic

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I used to be a Caffeine-a-holic, even when I wasn\’t drinking any.  I still craved it.

So when I was getting off caffeine, it took me three times.  The first two were outwardly successful.  I got my caffeine intake very, very low, and my energy was natural and in line with who I really was.  But I still craved, oh so craved,  desperately, that Diet Coke.  I wanted the feeling of those sparkly bubbles in my tummy.  Somehow, it soothed my soul.

That craving made me realize I wasn’t fully healed.

Later on I met a very special intern who worked for me at UniversalGiving.  He remains a close friend today, and his name is Austin Smith.  He was a star runner at Princeton, and he and I were very much aligned with taking care of ourselves, from the vision we had for our lives, to our day-to-day living.

One day we were talking about how I’d never done drugs.  And his response was, “yes, you have, and you do.”

I was shocked and he was right.  As he related, caffeine is one of the most powerful drugs that we have.

Through his inspiration and gentle wake-up call, I was able to begin another attempt at getting off caffeine.  With quiet prayer, encouragement, patient trust and a gentle, enduring sense of a moment by moment commitment, I was able to make a true transition this time.  I was ready to be healed not only of drinking caffeine, but also of the craving for it.  I was inspired by the principle that I wanted to do the right thing and be honest for what was really happening in my life. I was indeed doing drugs. And I didn\’t want anything to do with it.

For the first three months I literally ran home to go to bed because I was so exhausted, falling asleep at nine or nine-thirty… I was scared I’d never be out dancing salsa or swing again.  But eventually my body rhythm recalibrated itself… Now I get nice amounts of sleep, unrelated to any effects from caffeine.  The beauty of it all is that I no longer crave the Diet Coke or coffee.

That’s true healing…which includes not only body, but also peace of mind…and the peace of living in principle.

This post is part of “How This CEO Needs to Grow,” Pamela’s series about being transparent in the areas she is working on to be a better person and leader.